Commentary: The other day I had a lovely conversation with seven strangers who shimmered and bobbed on my laptop computer with the queasy effervescence of unsteady WiFi.
When I signed up for the conversation, I was skeptical. For one thing I was not sure about the topic – “How to choose a life partner” – and even less sure of the likelihood that strangers could engage in a thoughtful and satisfying conversation, much less given the awkwardness of an online platform like Zoom.
Still, I gave it a try because the concept was so appealing and humane. I gathered with these strangers by way of a mobile app called Civility. The Civility app provides a platform for organizing a conversation. People can propose a topic with a date and time; other people can ask to take part in it; and optionally the convener can distribute links or reading material so that participants come in with thoughts or questions to get things going.
The app was originally designed to help people gather participants in physical locations in their communities, but it has adapted to COVID-19 and the conversations take place on Zoom.
So I found myself in my little onscreen square talking to strangers of love, sex, homemaking and relationships, and the narratives we carry about those things. Some of us were married and middle aged, some of us were single. We presented as different genders and nationalities, but we all seemed to have some book-learning as well as laptops and internet, so we shared a certain social class position. Otherwise, we didn’t know each other, and so having a deep conversation, so to speak, required a leap of faith.
There were sincere differences of opinion about matters intimate and personal, and somehow it never grew contentious. Much was said yet no one said too much. People told stories and made observations I’m still thinking about days later.
Someday, probably, I’ll be able to sit in my pub again with my friends where we’ll air our ideas and sing of our aspirations in between jokes and karaoke songs, but I’ve already signed up for another conversation on the Civility app. The topic, aptly enough, is how the virtual will replace the physical.
I doubt it will, to be honest, but I suspect virtual spaces are going to be far more important. What makes either kind of space work, however, is a commitment by human beings to connect, whatever the medium.