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Ambiguity in Modern Communications

Commentary: Ambiguity is a hallmark of American speech today.   People ask questions when they might speak clearly.   They don’t respond directly.   When someone needs something done, they typically ask a tentative question.  Avoidance leaves people guessing about others’ intent.

A supervisor once started me off on the job with: “You can do this, this and this.”  ‘Can’ told me:  Here are my suggestions, brainstorming ideas, if you need more.   A few months later, she claimed I hadn’t moved the organization forward and fired me. 

Afterward, of course, I realized what I’d heard as suggestions were her way of saying:  “Do this now!”   Ambiguity clouded my understanding of her intent.

Ambiguity dominates the world of dating today too, protecting participants from rejection.  Dr. Scott Stanley, Professor of Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, says contemporary dating suffers from a “lack of defining signals.”

“Both fear and a lack of skill in communicating clearly have become driving factors in creating ambiguous, not clearly defined, relationships,” he says.  “People often fail to communicate what they want or don’t want.”[1]

Maybe you’ve wondered why young people increasingly go to proms in groups instead of couples.   That way, no one has to identify themselves as needing or wanting a partner.   Since everyone seems to be with everyone, groups provide safety from being vulnerable.

Similar ambiguity pervades workplaces and even families.   People communicate ambiguously to minimize rejection, avoid hurt feelings and conflict from different opinions.   Family members avoid hard conversations because another person “won’t be able to handle it.”

But people are stronger than we imagine.   And we typically lose more than we gain in not communicating and so not being truly heard by each other.  Others will not always agree.   But at least you’ve told them clearly where you stand and what you feel you need.

Telling people what we want in clear, concrete language in family, friendship and work relationships encourages others to speak directly when they need something from us too.  This reduces misunderstanding and improves our chances of shaping results we want all around.

Courage and clarity move us further faster than ambiguity.   The next time you want something from your partner, co-worker, friend or relative, tell her or him directly.   Move the world forward.


[1]https://www.lds.org/church/news/dating-in-the-age-of-ambiguity-scholar-shares-7-tips-for-those-working-toward-marriage?lang=eng